in reply to Ricki Yasha Tarr

Gifted until the curriculum catches up with you, round about GCSE level. Then everything becomes too complex and draining. Your parents get mad and ask why you can't apply yourself anymore when you used to be so good.

Or in my case, even when I got diagnosed my mother used my special interests as ammunition to belittle them and me. "If it was about anime and manga you wouldn't have a problem!" She said this knowing full well my diagnosis and what special interests mean.

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in reply to Ricki Yasha Tarr

Yeah, that's me.

I was the one who breezed through grade school and middle school doing stuff years ahead of my calendar age. My grandfather actually used the "little professor" term for me and proudly told all of his friends how smart I was, and I heard that and knew it had to be true. I wasn't a bad kid, but I knew there were times I must have been insufferable because my authority figures told me something, I accepted it, and repeated it as truth.

In high school the teachers had to have a meeting to determine which academic superlatives to award me and which to give to the actual second place without saying that's what happened (I learned it from one of them privately years later). I had managed to learn (after more than one public embarrassment) how to be "humble" socially despite still having evidence of my status, thankfully.

In college I finally started cresting and found I only excelled in my specialty, but that was ok as long as I passed the rest (which I did, in some cases only barely and after multiple attempts, which was a huge eye-opener and source of stress. Three tries to get a C in a single history class, two for a single literature class).

I did make it through grad school, with help and by getting to choose a path that had the least requirements. That gave me the credentials I needed to start teaching, which had been my goal the entire time. A committee member said my thesis had the potential to be publishable and the starting point for a PhD, but I realized I had no more energy for pushing farther.

And it wasn't until now, at nearly 60 years old, that I can look back and see the signs of being an autistic kid who happened to get good support (thank you parents, teachers, and special friends willing to both back me up and call me out!) despite not being diagnosed. I am finally relaxed into being "good enough" and not pushing myself to my limits.

Whew, it's been a ride. :D

#actuallyautistic

in reply to Tonya Marie πŸ³οΈβ€βš§οΈ

@TonyaMarie
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I started real slow, speech and numbers, everything, but I sort of caught up during school and it was easy for a few years, before and into junior high. But I guess I had my first burnout around the time of my fifteenth birthday and school was over. I managed to get back for a trade at some point. πŸ’œ
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I'm not sure I ever put that together out loud before. πŸ˜€
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#ActuallyAutistic @autistics
in reply to Ricki Yasha Tarr

just came back from getting an official diagnosis for my daughter - took about 4 years. A very emotional experience - what surprised my the most was her high score for masking behaviour - made me reflect on the β€œsocial capital exhaustion”/spoons thing - just how exhausting pretending to be β€œnormal” is even for a 16 year old. At least she is allowed to be herself with us.
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